By Nelly Madegwa
Gender-based violence (GBV) in Kenya is not just a crisis of individual acts; it is deeply rooted in the rigid and unequal gender roles that shape societal norms and perpetuate inequality. Statistics paint a grim picture, with over 40% of women in Kenya having experienced physical or sexual violence from an intimate partner, according to the Kenya Demographic and Health Survey (KDHS). Further, 92% of reported sexual and gender-based violence (SGBV) crimes in 2021 involved female victims, illustrating how gendered power dynamics leave women disproportionately vulnerable.
These numbers are more than just data,they reflect the broader implications of entrenched gender roles that dictate power, control, and societal expectations. From early childhood, girls are often socialised into submissive roles, while boys are conditioned to exert dominance, creating a breeding ground for inequality and violence. In cases where women assert independence or challenge these roles, they frequently become targets of violence meant to “restore order.”
Socialisation and Power: How Gender Roles Breed Violence
The lived experiences of women like Lena (name changed to protect identity) illustrate the devastating consequences of these deeply ingrained dynamics. Lena and her husband had been married for 14 years before separating. Early in their marriage, her husband was employed in the police service, while Lena was an intern at a research firm. Over the years, Lena’s career flourished. She earned promotions, pursued further education, and became the primary breadwinner for their family. In contrast, her husband struggled to find stable work after leaving the police service, leading to tension in their relationship.
“I thought if we both had stable incomes, life would be easier for our family, especially in the city where the cost of living keeps going up. We have three kids to think about,” Lena explained.
In an effort to support her husband, Lena took out a loan to buy a car, hoping he could use it to start a taxi business. However, when Lena refused to register the car in his name, as she bore financial responsibility for the purchase, her husband rejected the car entirely.
“It hurt me deeply,” Lena shared. “I was just trying to help, but it felt like every effort I made was met with resistance.”
The fallout from this disagreement deepened the cracks in their relationship, leading to their eventual separation. Looking back, Lena wonders if her husband’s reactions were shaped by expectations of masculinity that threatened her husband’s sense of identity.
“Maybe I did unintentionally threaten his role as the provider. I was so focused on trying to help that I didn’t see how it might make him feel. His resistance could have been his way of protecting what he felt was his place in the family.”
Reimagining Masculinity in a Modern Society
Lena’s story is not unique. Across Kenya, modernisation has challenged traditional gender roles, creating both opportunities and tensions. Women are increasingly taking on roles traditionally reserved for men, like buying land, paying school fees, and contributing significantly to household incomes. While these shifts empower women, they have also created conflicts within families.
Dr. Njoki Wamai, Assistant Professor of Politics and International Relations at the United States International University Africa (USIU), explains, “Every society has its civilisation and evolves at its own pace. As societies modernise, older ways of doing things may lose relevance. Today, we live in a capitalist world where both men and women need to contribute financially. This shift is necessary because it’s almost impossible for one person to afford a home or sustain a family alone.”
However, this transition has been particularly difficult for men.
“Masculinity has become a complex issue in this new context. What does it mean to be a man when your wife earns as much or more than you?” she asks.
Dr. Wamai points out that traditional institutions, such as churches, elder councils, and cultural initiation groups, often reinforce outdated ideas of manhood.
“At weddings, for instance, you hear the same messages: a man must be a provider and protector. But what happens when a man cannot meet those expectations? He may lash out, fight his wife, or worse, resort to violence. And yet, the wife is not the problem. The problem lies in a society that has refused to adapt.”
This refusal to adapt is evident in the rising cases of gender-based violence. Men who feel unable to fulfil their traditional roles as providers often react with anger, resentment, or violence.
“The disconnect between expectations and reality creates a lot of tension. Men are under economic pressure; they have to fulfil the provider role, and yet they resist sharing power. This stress often manifests as violence or resentment,” Dr. Wamai notes.
Dr. Wamai adds, “The root of this resistance lies in how men view women. Historically, women were seen as subordinates, akin to children, who needed to respect their husbands unconditionally. This dynamic was also shaped by colonialism, which imposed Victorian Christian values on African societies. Colonial Christianity introduced rigid gender roles, erasing the egalitarian structures that many African societies once had.”
For instance, before colonialism, many Kenyan communities, such as the Agikuyu, had relatively egalitarian gender roles.
Colonial Legacies
“Kikuyu women, for example, were traders and entrepreneurs who enjoyed significant autonomy,” Dr. Wamai explains. “They had their own homesteads, even in polygamous marriages, and could make independent decisions. When a woman reached menopause, she could even gain the status of a ‘social man’ participating in governance and decision-making. Colonialism disrupted this system, reducing women’s roles and imposing a more restrictive version of manhood and marriage.”
The impacts of these historical shifts persist in societal attitudes today. For instance, the KDHS 2022 found that 42% of women and 36% of men believe that a husband is justified in beating his wife if she neglects the children or even burns the food. These views, shaped by factors such as level of education and region, normalise gender-based violence and create an environment where less than half of the affected women seek help.
Mr. Boaz Karamoja, the chairperson of Friends Initiative For Peace Agents, a community-based organisation in Malava, Kakamega County, that advocates for peace, social justice, and gender equality, notes: “Traditionally, a man was the head of the family, the provider. But today, we see more women stepping into roles that were once the domain of men. Women are now paying school fees, buying land, and providing for the family in ways that men used to. While this is a positive step for gender equality, it has left many men feeling threatened and unsure of their roles in the family and society.”
Also, the lack of mentorship for boys is a significant contributor to gender-based violence.
“Boys are growing up without guidance on their responsibilities, leaving them feeling lost,” he explains. While girls increasingly have access to mentorship and empowerment programmes, boys are often left to navigate shifting gender roles alone or to turn to male role models who preach harmful notions of control and dominance.
Mr. Karamoja recalls a recent case at his office where a man assaulted his wife after she suggested they move to a piece of land she could afford to buy to escape the extended family conflicts affecting their current home.
“The man insisted the land must be registered in his name, saying, ‘If the land is in your name, it’s yours, not ours.’ This mentality is rooted in traditional notions of ownership and control, which have not evolved as quickly as the changing times,” he says.
Modern technology has introduced new dimensions to gender-based violence. Nearly 64.4 % of female students in tertiary institutions report experiencing at least one type of online violence, as compared to 35.5% of male students. These attacks, often targeting women in public spaces, are aimed at silencing their voices and reinforcing the expectation that women should remain passive.
Mr. Karamoja advocates for a balanced approach to empowerment.
“We need to uplift both boys and girls. Men must understand that being the head of the family is about leadership, not dominance. Without this balance, tensions will continue to escalate,” he says.
Dr. Wamai emphasises the urgency of this shift.
“Kenya is at a crossroads. We are one of the most connected countries in Africa, with high internet usage and exposure to global ideas. Women are redefining relationships and marriage, but we can’t expect them to revert to traditional roles. Society must evolve.”
She believes that institutions have a critical role to play in this transition.
“Churches, traditional initiation groups, and cultural mentors need to stop teaching outdated notions of manhood. They must prepare boys for the realities of modern society. Men must learn that leadership is not about control but about support and respect,” she asserts.
“Similarly, women must be sensitised to build partnerships rooted in mutual respect,” she adds.
Dismantling Harmful Norms
“Women are finding spaces to educate and support each other, but men lack similar opportunities. Many are left clueless, trying to navigate a world that has outpaced their understanding. This gap in mentorship and guidance is one reason men struggle while others thrive. Our society must embrace change. We need to decolonise our understanding of gender roles, taking the best from our past and adapting to the present. Without this transition, the tension between traditional and modern expectations will continue to harm individuals and families alike,” says Dr Wamai.
Normalising male dominance and female subordination perpetuates cycles of violence. Breaking free requires redefining societal norms, empowering all genders, and holding perpetrators accountable.
Ending gender-based violence is not just about protecting individuals; it is about creating a society where every person, regardless of gender, can live with dignity, safety, and freedom. By dismantling entrenched stereotypes and embracing inclusive understandings of gender roles, Kenya can build safer communities and healthier relationships. It will take commitment and rejection of the invisible chains that have held society back for far too long.
This article was produced as part of the Aftershocks Data Fellowship (22-23) with support from the Africa Women’s Journalism Project (AWJP) in partnership with The ONE Campaign and the International Center for Journalists (ICFJ).
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